[Personal and Off Topic] Heavy Hearts

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June 17, 2015 was a terrible day for my home. A coward drove two hours to kill people he didn’t know.

He sat with them for an hour, while they prayed.

And then he brutally took their lives.

My heart hurts for them, for their families, for my home.

Yesterday we sat and listened to the news, to the manhunt, and to his capture.

At the neighborhood pool, I listened to a little boy try to explain this to his older friends. They told him it was done by a crazy person. They are somewhere around twelve, they didn’t have the capacity to handle the difficult conversation. This little boy, that plays with my own, didn’t know how to continue, he trailed off with, “I’m sort of scared of white people.”

I didn’t say anything, I just blinked back tears while I pretended I wasn’t eavesdropping. I’m thirty-six and don’t have the faintest clue about how to have these conversations.

A friend of mine called those of us who would normally choose to stay silent out. I write about home economics not current events is just an excuse to stay quiet about uncomfortable things.

This happened in the place I call home, to the community that is my larger family.

I know what it’s like to get that phone call, to discover that your loved one was violently taken because they were seen as less than. I do not know what it’s like to live a life where I never know if someone will see me for the human being I am.

Evil, in all its forms: ignorance, greed, fear, hatred, and corruption thrives in darkness and secrecy. A friend, who speaks beautifully, but in a protected Twitter account said:

Evil isn’t the opposite of good – it’s the corrupter and abuser of good. It can’t create, only destroy, and this is its impotent rage

I was recently told that if I didn’t begin to let go of the guilt and anger around Laura’s death that I was letting him kill me, too.

I see the parallel.

Today I’m going to Mass.

Today I’m going to point you to the words of a little girl who is wiser than many of us.

Peace be with you.

Well That Wasn’t Fun

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Heather says

Hi, it’s been a couple weeks, hasn’t it?

Things started off with the best of intentions, but then my youngest decided to play Typhoid Mary (only she was sick, too) with a fun thing called Rotavirus.

Parents of very young children probably know this term and are cringing. I took the kids to a water park and she thanked us by giving us the gift of a highly transmissible stomach virus. And one by one we fell.

While I’m doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and disinfecting all of the hard surfaces, why don’t you tell me how you have been?

 

Here is to 2015

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Heather says

2014 has been very quiet at Home-Ec101.com; it’s been a year of healing and new beginnings.

The year has been about learning what is good enough and what can and can’t be tolerated.

Manda

Back in April, one of my best friends, who is also my assistant at FeedBlitz, found a lump and began the longest eight months of her life. It’s not my story to tell, but she had her last chemo treatment the week before Christmas and we are anxiously awaiting her return.

Some of you know that I made the decision to buy what I’ve been calling the fixer-upper late in the summer. That wasn’t a simple decision, it’s the house I grew up in. It’s the house where I tried to raise my youngest sister when our family fell apart.

Financially I knew it made sense, but I didn’t know if I could handle the emotional cost.

The house has come a long way. Yes, the bathroom floor is still sagging, but there is a new roof (and no more squirrels!).

kitchen

bedroomWorkinprogress

dining room

Living room

Paint and new appliances are helping. I am looking forward to the day I can rip up the carpeting, but there are a few more pressing repairs to handle first.

I’ve gotten so good at “cutting in” when painting that I don’t even have to tape the borders.

I’ve learned how to install new outlets and  light switches and what happens when you do that incorrectly. (In my case you live with extension cords from rooms with power to those that are lacking. At least until your ex-husband, an electrician can troubleshoot for hours, to finally pinpoint the problem -the brand new light switch, oy.)

I’ve learned that, in my home, the most important room, is still the dining room, that having the table where we can eat together matters far more than all of other improvements we’ve made.

I’ve learned that making an effort to stay on top of the kid mess matters so much more when the surroundings aren’t nice. It’s so much easier to fall into a why bother attitude when the walls need a new coat of paint and the blinds are torn. Dishes seem to pile faster, too.

But, I’ve also learned that a colorful bathmat can help me ignore the sagging floor until it can be repaired and that Ikea really can be a magical place of wallet-draining wonder.

2013 was awful, some of it was my own fault and some of it was caused by situations far beyond my control. I thought I would hit the ground running in 2014 and that I’d get Home-Ec101.com back to where it was in 2012. It turns out that new beginnings are a lot of work and much of that work happens where no one can see.

I’ve committed to keep showing up and I’m looking forward to 2015, yellow counters and all.

Some of it will be getting back to basics like a return to menu planning, but I also plan on addressing more reader questions and being more active in the online community that allows Home Ec 101 to exist in the first place. Thank you for being a part of the journey. I wish you well in the new year.

Where Has Heather Been

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Heather says:

Moving.

It’s not a cross-country move, just a one town over, this-won’t-be-so-bad wait, the Internet co doesn’t cover the new house move?

I’m in the process of buying a house. It’s the house I grew up in, but no one has taken care of it in at least ten years.

The upside? Cost. Budgets have been examined, what I’m paying for it, what it’s worth, what it will cost worst-case to fix, and what it will be worth in a year or so when all of the work is done. What’s the market value on sanity?

The downside that may actually be an upside when all is said and done, it was in terrible shape, awful shape, I’m on a first name basis with the exterminator shape.

I’ve learned a lot already. A lot about temporary and permanent fixes. Did you know that if there is a significant gap in the flooring, that you take steel wool, shred it a bit, pack it into the hole and use expanding foam or Great Stuff as a temporary fix? It’s definitely not pretty, but at this minute functional is what I need. Nothing unwelcome coming in to say hello are you going to eat that fixed, not a good as new fixed. That flooring will be ripped out and replaced in a couple of months, so I’ll just pretend I can’t see it for now.

The Fix It category is about to explode¹.

The plan is to tackle the house one room at a time, and get it ready to be a rental. The last six weeks all of my evenings and weekends have been spent getting the house safe for the kids and myself. I couldn’t actually charge anyone to live there, at least not yet.

There are a lot of memories in this house, some are pretty difficult to live with, but with each coat of paint, it gets easier. The kiddos will bring new memories.

I’ve been taking pictures of the progress, but I would like to have a few more afters before I begin sharing. I know that I’m not responsible for the current condition of the house, but I’m still a bit embarrassed by it.

Soon there will be tutorials on: replacing light fixtures, light switches, electrical outlets, dry wall repair, fun with water damage, water heater flushing 101, squirrel eviction, rodent control options, some basic plumbing, how to talk to contractors, and most importantly, why they aren’t kidding about using Killz in a well-ventilated area. I’ve gotten pretty quick at replacing an outlet and I’m really good at painting, even if I hate it.

I’ve started stalking the mis-tint shelf at Lowes. So far I’ve found a super nice tan for the boys and an actually not as institutional as it sounds mint for Ellie. It’s definitely possible to paint a room for under $50, including brushes and roller. (Even cheaper if you don’t have to use three coats of primer)

I keep telling myself it’s an adventure, that it’s going to be worth it.

Moving into the house wasn’t the easiest decision I’ve ever made, but sometimes being a grown-up means sucking it up and doing the things that aren’t much fun.

I hired a moving company to handle the furniture, but I’ve still got to deal with the piddly things. (What was I thinking and I’ve only lived in that house for a year, how did I amass that much stuff?) I’ll have all of my things at the new place soon and more importantly, I’ll have Internet on Friday.

Moving stinks.

¹Here’s hoping we keep that to a metaphorical explosion as I’ve still got a lot of electrical work left to tackle.

The Really? That Happened? Personal Aside and Back to School Nightmares, Share Yours

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Heather says:

Yesterday I stood at my children’s bus stop for over an hour, eagerly waiting for their bus to drop them off. I was excited to hear about their first day.  Dripping sweat and with my phone battery dying I paced at the edge of the road, out in the sun.

Finally there was the bus.

There were a few kids, but I was confused because my children were. not. there.

The bus driver noted my obvious concern and distress and asked, “What bus are you waiting for?”

I told her.

She said, “That’s not this bus, that’s an entirely different route.” (For clarity: I had obtained the information from the school’s website.)

Controlling my panic, I asked the bus driver how I should locate my children (who have now been misplaced for well over an hour) and I immediately followed her recommendation to go to the school.

I showed up at the school, jumped out of the car, and went into the office which had the usual chaos of first day confusion (remember this is my first experience as a parent with kids in school).

My children were located, I was told to go home to wait, and that the other bus would drop them off at our house. This finally happened, a little over 2 hours after the children had been dismissed. Remember unairconditioned buses, in August, in the Lowcountry of SC?  The bus driver was kind and told me I should have gotten the information from the Open House. I let him know that I had attended and stood in the long bus line, only to be told, by a school employee, to get the information from the website. At that point he was irritated, too.

Naturally I called the bus office the moment they opened and I’m sitting here waiting on that return call. . . The bus driver who finally brought my kids home to me also let me know that I could request a more convenient stop, since the closest is more than 0.4 miles from our house. (The neighbor child’s mother and I are both quite relieved as the closest stop was on a highway that includes a walk on a busy road with no sidewalk and two blind corners. Yay rural life).

That phone better ring soon.

While I wait, and breathe, and try to remember it’s not the person I’ll be speaking to’s fault, entertain me with your back-to-school nightmares.