Sunday Confessional 10/25

this is the second time in month or so, your Sunday Confessional has touched upon something occurring in my life right now. very weird.
i cried a lot over the weekend regarding employment issues and other stressful things . i cried ALL DAY at work on Friday so I feel like a wussy. I wish I was one of those people who could put on a brave face and then go and cry in private. Also, I wish my nose didn't turn red 10 seconds after me tearing up... Like you, I cry when someone is nice to me after I feel embarrassed. Also, when I am extremely tired. I feel like a two-year-old who refuses to take a nap or something. thanks for sharing. it's nice to know i'm not alone.

this feels like Criers Anonymous. lol.

Well, I hate to admit it, but I'm always whining in my mind about something. I don't want to be that kind of person, and I'm trying, but it's hard. Frustration sets in and I get angry, or tired and angry, and I turn it inward most of the time. This week, no, for the past couple of weeks, my son, whom I love so much, has been driving me nuts. He keeps waking up at night and I know I should be more concerned about him than me, but I feel angry because I really need the sleep. So it's hard not to be frustrated with him. He's only two! Yikes, he hardly knows what's going on in the world. Maybe more than I think though. So, my struggles lately have been with trying to figure out how to make him sleep all night again like he used to--it was wonderful just a few months ago. He'd sleep 11+ hours which gave me time to do some things and sleep myself. Now I can barely even sleep myself since he's down to about 9 hours.

The boys are out hunting. I should be cleaning and sewing, but what am I doing... playing on the computer. I had a horrible week last week with sickness and my house looks it... I hope to change that this week as I am to have guest this next weekend at the house.

I love Tom Hanks. I love Baseball. I forgot about this line... because I'm a crier, too. :) (The "3 tissue email subject line" comes from being a crier of happy and sad.)

My brain fog often puts me into a state of "blank brain." I just forget what I'm saying, where it was going, or why I mentioned it.. or side-tracked.. (I can be telling you a story.. see the story playing out, in my mind.. see a wall, and get stuck, unable to say the word "wall." I can't think of the word, itself.)

Your friends, usually, know when its better to act like something never happened.. or change the subject to occupy your attention/time.. to avert the emotion.. when in public..

You have a lot on your plate.. and you keep running, like a locomotive.. I wish to have half your energy. ("I want some. Say yes! I want some. Say yes!" ;) )

(Or to just know where I put the memory card reader, that I didn't take to barcamp, would be good, right now.)

I feel like I'm always playing catch-up. Or I'm always asking myself how something happened. or How did something "not happen" that I'm sure, I did do..

I call it mommy syndrome. But once a mommy, always a mommy.

I find it easier to not cry by carrying around my tissue pack. I even pretty it up with fabric. Its a personal, tangible thing, that helps me. I'll give you one for Christmas, if you are a good little girl. :)

Thanks for making me feel normal. :)

"There is no crying baseball" is my husbands favorite line to use to try to get me to stop crying, at least long enough to tell him what I am upset about. I am somewhat of an over-emotional person, and can well up at drop of a hat, so that line is used in our house a lot, and it always elicits a chuckle from me.

Anyway, yesterday I tried to run away from home. Not the pack your bags, I am never coming back running away, but enough to get away from everyone, and regroup. I was gone less then an hour, and it really seemed a good idea at the time when I stormed out of the house, but I didn't accomplish much more then getting a good cup of coffee out of it and the kids getting munchkins. That was the Mommy guilt for leaving so abruptly! I still came home to the same problem that caused me to leave. :/ At least it all played itself out and all is back to the normal insanity.

I cannot for the life of me get over what my in laws have said and done to me. They constantly blame me for everything. I know I sould be the bigger person and apologize (for nothing in particular). I know that neither one of them is going to do so. I just can't. I start thinking about it and my irrational side gets ticked off, hurt, and humiliated all over again. Lord, help.

Sorry for the seriousness of this post. I just had to get it off my chest.

Heather, just FYI, you rock! It was good hanging with you yesterday at BarCampCHS. Simply amazed at how much energy you have and how much work you and others put in to make the event a huge success.