Stupid questions, volume 6

stripey-shirt.JPGIvy says:

Kathy and her pal Rox came up with some stupid questions for me last night over cups of coffee. So if they’re stupider than usual, you can blame the coffee!

1. I’m addicted to coffee! Do you have a good “food” recipe for breakfast, lunch and dinner that includes coffee taste? (This one is for the chef among the mavens!)

I sure don’t! Coffee bad. Red Bull good.

Heather says:

Don’t mind Ivy, she’s bitter. A little Google will take you a long way, here are a couple to get you started:

  • Folgers Coffee Recipes
  • Maxwell House Coffe Recipes

2. Roxie said at Easter she was too lazy to put some food in a bowl and instead put the pan on a folded dish towel on the table. Now she has a white freckle circle on her new cherry dining room table. 🙁 Help!

It might sound counterintuitive, but the way to get heat and water marks off wood is to use heat and water. Take a plain white t-shirt (no designs, plain and white only!) and lay it on top of the spot. Then take a heated steam iron (on medium) and press onto the shirt for a couple of seconds while holding the steam button. Wipe it off and repeat until the stain is done. Make sure to polish afterward.
3. I hate cleaning. I really really hate it. How can I make this evil duty more interesting?

Use your imagination! When I worked as a maid, I had a blast imagining I was cleaning crime scenes, or that I was Cinderella. I like menial work in a way, because it gives me a chance to use my creative brain.

Heather says: I use books on CD. I hate menial labor and it keeps me entertained. I’ve found it’s a great way to catch up on the classics, since my library doesn’t have the best stash of modern fiction and I’m not about to pay for books on CD.

Oh, and if I find myself grumbling too much about something, I try to stop myself and think of ways I can be thankful instead. Rather than whining that I have to scrub some tile, I try to be thankful that I have tile to scrub, kids to leave fingerprints, or whatever the case may be. Sometimes it really helps puts things into perspective.

4. We can tolerate ignorance, but how can you deal with STOOOOPID?

Hang them on a rack until they cry.
5. Is there a way to clean oil paintings without damaging the art work?

Oil paintings that are particularly valuable or old should be cleaned by a professional. However, you can dust the painting with a soft brush (like a blush brush) gently, if there are no areas where the paint is flaking off. Most pre-1940 oil paintings are coated with varnish, so if it is older than 1940, make sure you don’t use a wet rag on it. It’ll mess up the varnish and ruin your painting.

6. How can I tell if my puppy has a hernia or an outie?

Take it to the vet.
7. And finally, how do you “sex” kittens?

Say “Hey, baby, you’re looking fiiiine today. Meeeeow!” Just kidding. If you lift the tail of the kitten, you will either see a colon : or a semi-colon ; Girls look like semi-colons, boys look like colons.


  1. oil paintings on June 25, 2008 at 9:20 am

    I have one answer for a coffee menu or recipe which can be served over lunch or dinner. It’s called banofee cake or pie. It’s a pie or cake – as the name implies – made of alternate levels of banana sprinkled with coffee and chocolate. How’s that for you?

  2. Heather on April 14, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    I also use it when I’m doing any mind numbingly boring task. For me, that means anything not on the computer or reading. 🙂

  3. Lisa on April 14, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    Ooh! I love the books on tape while cleaning suggestion. I hate to clean. I’ll have to try that one.