Dear Home-Ec 101,
During the walk-through when we purchased our current home, we flushed our toilets, but did not raise the lids. After we moved in, to our horror, two of our toilets were gross!
First problem, I am told that it is hard water deposits, so when toilet waste is flushed down, stuff catches on the way down. I have been able to remove what I can see after repeatedly cleaning. But there is still a smell. Second toilet, the bowl is black. Have tried a few cleaners, but with little results.
Down and Dirty in Delaware
I do not envy your grungy toilet problem. Nope, not even a little bit.
Get yourself some rubber gloves. You know, the heavy duty, no-nonsense, I’m about to use cleaners that mean business kind of gloves.
Now don’t worry, I’m not suggesting anything toxic, but acids, even those from non-toxic sources are not good for your skin. Ever cut a ton of citrus fruit and had your hands feel raw for a couple of days? It’s like that.
So get your gloves and either Bar Keepers Friend of your other favorite acidic cleanser.
You’re going to be cleaning up some foul funk known as lime scale and urine scale. You know where the lime scale comes from -hard water- but urine scale is a special treat all on its own. It forms from the ammonium salts left behind when urine splashes and evaporates.
I kid. Well, about the yum part, the urine scale is a fact of life, disgusting but we all have to deal.
Your also going to want some kind of scrubber – a generic scrub brush or even one of those nylon kitchen jobbers, but know that you WILL BE THROWING THAT OUT AFTERWARD, right? You can of course, wash and reuse the scrub brush, but please delegate it to the floors or bathroom use only.
Now turn off the water to the tank. (Righty tighty, lefty loosey)
Flush the toilet so there is no water in the bowl.
Put on your gloves, apply the cleanser to the bowl and give the inside a good scrub, as far down as you can reach and spend a lot of time up under the rim. (Many people forget to clean this area and all kinds of heinous funk can hide up here.) Don’t spend a lot of time with this scrubbing, you’re mostly just trying to make sure that the cleaner has gotten into every nook and cranny in the toilet bowl.
Now stand up, put the lid down on the toilet, take off your gloves, wash your hands, and set a timer for 30 minutes.
Go entertain yourself. Welcome back.
Remember when we’ve talked about how cleaning takes a few kinds of energy:
Thermal -not applicable or safe in this case – never, never, never pour hot water into your toilet, the thermal change can crack your bowl and that’s not fun for anyone. I don’t care what you read where on the interwebz. No. No. No. Got it?
Chemical – your cleanser -and with chemical energy comes the need for time for those chemical reactions to take place, that’s why you left the room for a little while.
Physical – yup, here’s where you and the scrub brush come in.
Now, put your gloves back on, wet your scrubber and go scrub the ever-living-snot out of that toilet bowl.
When you’re sure you’ve gotten as much as will come off this round, turn the water back on to the tank, and flush the toilet.
Flush it one more time and give it a little scrub with a standard toilet brush.
Now, leave the room for five minutes or so and come back and give the area a smell.
If it still smells funky, it’s not the bowl.
Turn the water back off. Empty the tank, and carefully remove it. (You’re going to have to disconnect the water line and undo a couple of bolts to do so).
Give the area that you couldn’t reach with the tank attached a thorough cleaning. Rinse, dry, give the area a little while to air out and come back. Do you still smell the funk?
If so, it may be either urine or other filth between the flooring and toilet or the wax ring may need to be replaced. Be prepared for this job to turn into more, if there is water damage to the flooring and / or sub flooring.
If you are a dude, this could be a one person job. I’m not a wuss, but ladies, moving a ceramic toilet bowl is more than I can handle on my own -those suckers are HEAVY- so you may have to call in a friend or significant other for physical help with this job. Do not hurt yourself trying to move more than you can do so safely.
Loosen the bolts that attach the toilet to the floor. Move the toilet out of the area and clean the area up to the drain as thoroughly as possible. Use a cleaner safe for your flooring.
Inspect the wax donut -or since you already have the toilet moved, replace it, while you have it out of the way and save yourself a project 3 years from now.
Look for water damage that may indicate the seal was compromised. If there is damage, that may be the real source of your odor, but the repair is out of the scope of Home-Ec 101. That’s more of a 300 level course. Hire out if you must. You can, of course, put the toilet back together until you can afford the repair, just be glad you know the source and make sure this repair is high on your list of MUST-Dos, as water damage can get ugly in a hurry.
Put everything back together and enjoy your funk-free bathroom.
Submit your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.