My good pal Hutchmo wrote a post on Facebook that had me rolling in the aisles. I got his permission to post this here. It gives you very good perspective into what our husbands (or wives, in some cases) may be thinking when they wad a sheet into the linen closet!
Here’s a few hints I’ve picked up over the last few days that I feel moved to share. Perhaps, you too, will be moved (moved to block me as your friend, most likely):
1) When preparing hot tea in an electronic kettle, it is of a high order of importance to actually turn ON said kettle. The water seems to be much better prepared for the blending process.
2) How to fold a fitted sheet:
2.1 Never ever let the fitted sheet know you are about to attempt to control its natural state (anarchy)
2.2 Approach the sheet as if you were admiring the sheet in it’s natural state (see 2.1)
2.3 A nice even tone should be used when you are addressing the sheet
2.4 Such terms as ‘rat bastid’ and bi-polar bi-yatch are not only counter-productive, but will come back to haunt you.
2.5. One approach I’ve used is to just pretend the fitted sheet does not exist and hope that someone else is willing to deal with the damn thing (**** I call this the 4-star approach)
2.6 If you feel you must compel the sheet to fit into the “hegemonistic white european being- held- down- by- the- man” status:
2.6.1 Grasp two of the ruffled rounded ‘corners’ with a firm grip, thumb on bottom, pulling said sheet up to chest level with a snapping motion
2.6.2 Perform a rough approximation of the semaphore you would perform if your loved one was being sent out for donuts and coffee
2.6.3 At no time during the process should you even utter the words you are thinking
2.6.4 Fold the &*%% thing over a couple of times
2.6.5 You really should consider 2.5 above
2.6.6 With a furtive feint to the right, announce to anyone else that happens to be in the house, that there is a coyote in the front yard glaring at your neighbor’s dog
2.6.7 Go left, find the linen closet, and stuff the thing on the top shelf in the back.
2.6.8 When spouse or significant other inquires to the well-being or existence of said sheet, shrug shoulders slowly and feign ignorance
I do hope this helps…
The fitted sheet pretending to be somewhat controlled