Guest Post: Home Ec Minus 101

retrochick.JPGIvy says:

My good pal Hutchmo wrote a post on Facebook that had me rolling in the aisles. I got his permission to post this here. It gives you very good perspective into what our husbands (or wives, in some cases) may be thinking when they wad a sheet into the linen closet!

Here’s a few hints I’ve picked up over the last few days that I feel moved to share. Perhaps, you too, will be moved (moved to block me as your friend, most likely):

1) When preparing hot tea in an electronic kettle, it is of a high order of importance to actually turn ON said kettle. The water seems to be much better prepared for the blending process.

2) How to fold a fitted sheet:
2.1 Never ever let the fitted sheet know you are about to attempt to control its natural state (anarchy)
2.2 Approach the sheet as if you were admiring the sheet in it’s natural state (see 2.1)
2.3 A nice even tone should be used when you are addressing the sheet
2.4 Such terms as ‘rat bastid’ and bi-polar bi-yatch are not only counter-productive, but will come back to haunt you.
2.5. One approach I’ve used is to just pretend the fitted sheet does not exist and hope that someone else is willing to deal with the damn thing (**** I call this the 4-star approach)
2.6 If you feel you must compel the sheet to fit into the “hegemonistic white european being- held- down- by- the- man” status:
2.6.1 Grasp two of the ruffled rounded ‘corners’ with a firm grip, thumb on bottom, pulling said sheet up to chest level with a snapping motion
2.6.2 Perform a rough approximation of the semaphore you would perform if your loved one was being sent out for donuts and coffee
2.6.3 At no time during the process should you even utter the words you are thinking
2.6.4 Fold the &*%% thing over a couple of times
2.6.5 You really should consider 2.5 above
2.6.6 With a furtive feint to the right, announce to anyone else that happens to be in the house, that there is a coyote in the front yard glaring at your neighbor’s dog
2.6.7 Go left, find the linen closet, and stuff the thing on the top shelf in the back.
2.6.8 When spouse or significant other inquires to the well-being or existence of said sheet, shrug shoulders slowly and feign ignorance

I do hope this helps…

sheet

The fitted sheet pretending to be somewhat controlled

 



10 Comments

  1. MyrnaRoweUhlig on July 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Keter, you fold just like I do, but I’d never thought to keep my sets together like that.  Great idea!
     
    Awhile back, when Martha Stewart was still on a major network channel in the Portland area, I made sure to watch, having heard that someone was going to ask her how to fold fitted sheets.  I wanted to see if she had any tips for getting an even crisper fold.  I certainly expected she would see this as a very important question — surely she knew how so many of us suffer, trying to make these stubborn sheets look presentable.
     
    So the time finally came.  The question was asked; she responded with a somewhat disdainful shrug.  She said something to the effect of, “I don’t know what you mean…  You just fold them.”  And that was that.  No great insights from Martha, the Great and Powerful Doyenne of Domesticity.
     
    Hmpf.

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  3. thatbobbiegirl on April 21, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    Wadding up the sheet and stuffing it into the closet works great if you wrap it securely with duct tape first.

  4. Thankful on April 16, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    While doing laundry over a holiday visit with my mom, the fitted sheet came out of the dryer and I asked her how she had folded them so nicely over the years. “Like most things in life, it’s just experience.” Then she started cackling. I asked her if she could perhaps give me a few tips, and still giggling in that who-knows-why-I’m-laughing way, so described a process not unlike Keter’s.
    1. Stick your hands into two of the corners.
    2. Bring hands together and slip first corner pocket over the second. Shake the now-folded sheet slightly so the the elasticized area between the corners is flat. Leave one hand in the fold pocket with both sheets, and the other to make sure that the fabric isn’t off kilter at the place of fold. I usually fold so that the elastic is on the interior of the fold.
    3. Adjust the folds at other end of sheet and match those corners. Continue as you normally would for folding sheets.

    Sorry I can’t explain it as well as Keter — I love her packaging of all the sheet components together, I might have to try that. I still haven’t figured out what was so funny to my mom — maybe that her formerly messy daughter was OCDing over making the fitted sheet fold nicely.

  5. Becca on April 15, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    Keter….you amaze me. It never occured to me that I should keep the sets together this way. I am definately going to give your method a whirl next Tuesday night. This site is so making me a Home-Ec champion!!

  6. Keter on April 15, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    Hutchmo’s #1 is so me. I’m constantly getting everything ready, like rice in the cooker, potatoes in the pot, or wet laundry in the dryer…and forgetting to turn the darn thing on!

    But I do know how to fold a sheet set with a fitted sheet:

    1. Turn the fitted sheet inside out.
    2. Find the corner seam on one corner. Grab the inside end of the seam.
    3. Working clockwise, find the other next corner seam.
    4. Match corner seams together, folding the elasticized part inward until you get a fairly rectangular shape.
    5. Place the end you just matched on your work surface (I use my bed) and repeat the process for the other end.
    6. Fold sheet in half so that now all corner seams are together and the majority of the sheet is flat on the work surface.
    7. Smooth out as much as possible, and fold a couple of times until you get a size that will fit into a pillowcase.
    8. Fold the top sheet to a similar size, and slip the fitted sheet inside the last fold of the top sheet. Place one pillowcase inside there, too.
    9. Take the whole “package” and slip into the remaining pillowcase.
    10. Fold over the top of the pillowcase and your sheet set is together and ready to store neatly.

  7. Heather on April 15, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    I’m with Mom of three, only I have two sets, the extra set is flat under the mattress. We still have rugrats at risk of nighttime accidents or getting sick.

  8. Mom of three on April 15, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    This is why I only have one set of sheets per bed. I wash them and put them right back on.

  9. Nancy on April 15, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    Actually, I learned how to fold fitted sheets while in college in Atlanta, from a nice older gentleman in the Sparkle-Brite laundromat.

  10. Becca on April 15, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Oh this is SO FUNNY. I was doing laundry last night (I find that if I fold laundry on Tuesday nights while watching Toddlers and Tiaras….I wind up feeling like a really wicked-good mommy!)

    I got to the fitted sheets and, as always, told myself THIS time I could make them look like a real folded sheet. Alas, the three fitted sheets sitting on the right hand side of the linen closet look just like the photo pictured above.

    I have a godmother who is the QUEEN of folding fitted sheets. I remember she once told me that the key is folding away those rounded, elastized edges quickly so that you can get crips folds. I can never get it to work and have decided that the fact that I wash our sheets at all is good enough. No one is looking in my linen closet, anyway (or if they are….they aren’t making beds, so they can think what they want!)

    Thanks for sharing, that was a fun read!

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