Because The Onion really cares about us

WinkIvy says:

My buddy Jess over at Sassafrass hooked it UP today with a link to the best household hints EVER. Some choice tips:

You may find yourself lying in bed at night beside your husband thinking, “Is this all?” It isn’t, sister. With a cup of corn starch in your sheet laundry, you can achieve those perfect hospital corners.

I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me. Mr. Ivy’s and my marriage is saved!

Do you often find yourself wishing there were more hours in the day? Juggling a career, a home, and a relationship can be hard, but you can’t let any one of those things go, or you will be a failure as a woman. Taking a regular dose of methamphetamine will give you the energy to successfully manage all three and spare you the inconvenience of sleep.

I knew those moms that run the PTO and everything else had a secret way to keep their energy level up and stay thin all at the same time. Now we all know!

Liberate yourself from household chores: Have children!

My children complain that I am making them slave away so I can spend more time on the computer. I call that “teaching them valuable life skills”.

Go over there, there’s a lot of fun stuff! Thank you, The Onion!



4 Comments

  1. Caroline on September 10, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    And my mom says that one of her fondest memories of me, is sitting inside with her cup of tea during a snowstorm in 2002, watching me shovel the driveway in a 20 degree blizzard. Second runner up is sitting inside with her diet coke watching me mow my lawn for the first time last summer (Houston + Aug = HOT!!!!!!) I think it was only about 100 that day.



  2. Caroline on September 10, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    And apparently they type better too…. LOL



  3. Caroline on September 10, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    If you mix a cup of corn starch and water, it makes a great plaything for kids, and teaches them about surface tension. And its really good for your sking if you play with it to.

    See mom, I did learn something being a counselor at a day camp besides the fact that the 5 y/o's drawigs wer better than mine.



  4. Jamie on May 11, 2007 at 11:25 am

    LOL! I love it.