So, I turned my back for just a few moments, while I had to help a client—remote work is such a blessing and a curse—and in that time my two-year-old took the full tube of diaper cream and smeared it all over one of the couches.
Now, I’m about to get rid of the couch, so my first reaction was to just sigh and not care, but I also have three teenage boys. Have you ever hung out with a group of teenage boys? We’re going to have to live with this couch for about three more weeks. I am not going to listen to three teenage boys snickering about the white stains all over the couch for three long weeks. It looks… dirty. So very, very dirty.
I’ve been there. I’ve been there. Oh wait, I am there, this is exactly how I spent Friday afternoon. Seriously, sometimes the posts just write themselves. So, you ask, how do you remove a full tube of diaper ointment from an old couch?
Well, first, you wipe down the two-year-old and her little sister because, as much fun as they are having, you don’t need them getting Desitin on anything else. Diaper cream may be soothing, but it will bleach fabric if left too long. So act as quickly as possible and find a new place to store the tube ASAP.
Please note, these instructions are only for furniture that is no longer covered by a warranty. If your furniture is covered by a warranty, please call the hotline and follow their instructions and only their instructions.
Now, raise your right hand and repeat after me:
I solemnly swear to always read the label, consult the manufacturer, test in an inconspicuous area, never feed the mogwai after midnight, and to never, ever mix chemicals without lots of research and coffee.The Home-Ec101 Consumer Safety Oath
Now grab the following supplies:
- hot water with a generous squirt of plain Dawn dish soap (not with Bleach)
- several rags
- a scrub brush, nail brush, or old toothbrush
- Baking Soda
- a spoon
Now, find someone to help with the kid wrangling or give in and put on their favorite show. Now, either scream into a pillow for a moment or swear under your breath and get ready, this will take a while. Sorry. Put on your favorite music or podcast and let’s get started with the actual removal.
First scrape off as much of the diaper ointment as you can with the spoon. Wipe the spoon often with one of the rags. Be sure when you finish the step to set this spoon wiping rag out of reach.
Next, sprinkle all of the visible diaper cream with baking soda.
Then, dip your brush into the hot, soapy water and begin scrubbing the stain in small circles, dipping your brush back into the water frequently to remove the ointment. As you work, wipe the area with a clean portion of the rag to ensure you have removed all of the diaper cream. Do NOT use the rag you wiped the spoon with. This would be bad. You would smear cream right back onto the area you just cleaned. Aren’t you glad that you have me to troubleshoot the process for you?
And there you go, that’s how you remove a full, oh it was so full, tube of diaper ointment from an old couch so your teenage boys won’t spend the next three weeks snickering non-stop.
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