1. How to clean up *shart-stains.
In case anyone was unaware, shart stains are those brown stains that mysteriously appear in one’s underwear when one gets a bit too exhuberant with their gas expulsions. According to Kathy, this is not a problem for her. Sure, Kathy, we believe you. Spray N Wash is the best way to deal with this embarassing issue.
2. Can you vacuum out your fireplace without ruining your vacuum cleaner?
Not really. If you’re talking about cleaning the actual chimney, this is one of those times I’d probably go ahead and spend the money to have a professional clean it. I remember my mom and dad cleaning the chimney themselves when I was a kid, and it was so nasty. This is one of the reasons I don’t have a fireplace. As far as cleaning out the fireplace after you have a fire, you’re going to need to use a broom to get all the ashes out. Possibly Heather has some chimney/fireplace cleaning suggestions she can add to this post .
3. Cleaning your duct work.
Shop vac with a long cord and a long hose.
4. Attack of the lady bugs… is it murder to annihilate those devils?
Ladybugs are attracted to light colored houses, so paint your house black. If you can’t bear a black house, try burning a lemon scented candle, I’ve heard that works. I have a friend whose granny would use a shop vac and vacuum up those suckers. That’s probably the most humane way. I’m with you on the ladybugs, I tend to get hordes of them. Man, they’re annoying.
5. How to make fancy ice cubes (if lady bugs were edible, we could freeze them in the middle and that’d look pretty).
Buy fancy ice cube trays, of course.
Little known Ivy fact: I don’t keep ice in my house. I never use ice, so I don’t waste space in my freezer on it. If I need ice, I run down to the gas station and buy some.
6. How to clearly mark you pillow so your husband doesn’t want to steal it.
My mom and dad used Sharpies to write their names on their pillows. There’s nothing more amusing than seeing pillows marked “Mystery Lady X” and “St. Mark”. Of course, if your husband is an active pillow thief, try wiping boogers on your pillow. That should stop him.
7. Is once every three years enough when cleaning stuff on the inside of curio cabinets?
Martha would not approve, but as far as I’m concerned, if you can’t actively see the dust, you’re golden.
8. What to do with those leftover Christmas decorations you find around the house throughout the year to keep from climbing up into the attic.
Throw ’em away.
9. Giant inflatable rabbits. Help us convince the world how wrong those are.
I can’t even begin to start on the wrongness of giant inflatable rabbits. Save the vinyl! Don’t buy giant inflatable rabbits!
10. Invasion of moths. WTF is that all about? I’ve never seen more moths in my life than what we have here. I guess mothballs is the simple answer, but they smell so bad.
Bug Zappers aren’t just great for killing bugs- they are fun entertainment for the entire family!
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