Still working on the rest of the chores… but I can’t expect him to do them when I don’t want to either…

Guys look sexy behind a mop. LOL
Sounds like it works for you, but the ladies would ask, does it work for her?

My kitchen floor looks like a back alley in a third world country, but the dishes are shining and my clothes are April fresh. It works for us. Neither one of us nags the other about the hated chores. Somehow we usually end up realizing at similar times that some of the un-fun stuff needs doing and we do it together.

Hubby works outside the house, until this year I worked in, so the housework was mine. But one night he came home and asked “what did you DO all day?”

The next day, I left him home with laundry, dishes, the two year old who didn’t talk, but could run a VCR and the one year old. Came back 8 hours later and asked “what did you DO all day?” 15 years later and those words have never come out of his mouth again.

Two: I set down and printed off a daily calendar with 10 minute increments, and for one week I kept a time card. At the end of the week DH got his copy of “what I do all day.” We were both amazed at how much I do, and a lot of it didn’t get on the list due to multi-tasking and taking longer to record than they took to do.

Now I understand the frustration, but if your standards are higher, what’s wrong with asking? DH and I have a code. If I am needing some attention and he’s too busy to notice, I put an empty vase on the table. He always notices and fills it the next day. ANd usually will take me to dinner as well. I need the attention, so I ask, even if it’s a subtle way.

Make a list of things that need to be done, and give it to DH. My husband works behind a desk, so he loves doing things like mopping, or folding clothes, because he needs the exercise.

Now that I work outside the house, I have to ask for more help, and it’s hard. It’s admitting we are weak. But then it allows the man to be the hero, which one relationship coach says is good for the romance department, so the next time you need the couch moved so you can mop under it, Ask that big hunky man to do it for you and swoon over his effort. If you make a big enough deal, he might just do the mopping as well.

I always tell my husband how sexy he looks when he’s cooking or sweeping (Two chores I hate). Thing is, he is incredibly sexing doing it, and if he does it, I don’t.

Too, let him pick manly jobs. Moving furniture, mopping, mowing the grass, carrying those heavy laundry baskets upstairs and putting them away. Pick the gift or organize the closet yourself. I’d rather shop over mop anyday.

And if all else fails, scrimp somewhere else, and hire a maid. Then neither of you have to clean.

Right now I am both maintaining MY standards and resenting it. It doesn’t help that my MIL and/or FIL come over every day, which means I don’t _feel_ free to lower my standards.

The question brings up a pet peeve of mine. Why must we speak of husbands “helping” around the house. Is it not also his house? Nobody mentions a wife’s “helping” around the house or with the kids. The underlying presumption is that it is the wife’s responsibility, that any domestic work done by the husband has been delegated.

I think that most our generation’s men do do a fair bit, many even do their fair share of chores. And however cheerfully they do it, it seems to me that in general, few take anywhere close to their fair share of initiative. The lack of initiative belies a lack of sense of responsibility.

Sometimes I anticipate so many questions (feigned helplessness?) about how to do something (especially if it involves some thought, e.g., buy a gift, organise a closet…) that I don’t even bother mentioning it. I just do it.

Why the lack of initiative? If they don’t even notice that something needs doing, but we do it without mention, then is there any reason to suspect that they will notice that we’ve done it? Of course, “needs” is by my standards. Perhaps it’s really not necessary. If the work is invisible, it can’t be measured, it can’t be acknowledged let alone recognised. Hopefully it is valued anyway.

The secretly resentful side of me suspects that modern husbands are passive-aggressively forcing housework onto their wives by deliberately
1- doing work poorly
2-making wives work for the work with nagging
3-ignoring what needs to be done
4-ignoring what the wife has done
(By minimising the amount of total work, they minimise their share/shortfall)
5-having conveniently low standards

This has worked wonders for me. Once he understood that having a clean house kept me in a better mood, well, let’s just say there haven’t been dirty dishes in the sink in a LONG time The back and forth also helped me to understand things that are important to him and show him mutual respect. This doesn’t have to be a touchy feely conversation either.

Finally, ask him which chores he thinks he can do well. Then let him. If he doesn’t do them to your satisfaction, ignore it – first, just let him get into the habit. You can refine his technique later.