Dear Home Ec 101,

My 4 year old son absolutely refuses to clean up his toys! I’ve tried making it a game, I’ve also tried taking his toys away when he doesn’t clean them up. He still refuses to clean. Any ideas for getting him to clean up after himself?

Signed,

Messy In Muncie

Ivy says:

Some kids are harder to get cleaning than others. My oldest son likes order and hates chaos, so it was very easy to get him to clean up. My youngest son is the exact opposite- he apparently loves chaos and hates order, so getting him to clean practically takes an act of God.

With my youngest son, I’ve found that one of his problems is feeling overwhelmed when I ask him to pick up his toys. Even though it seems totally obvious to me what he should do, he doesn’t “get” what he needs to be doing, so I tell him to pick things up One. Thing. At. A. Time. It’s frustrating to me, because it is so slow, but it does get the job done and it makes it a lot harder for him to refuse, as I’m asking him to do one very simple task at a time. “Pick up your Spiderman doll. Now put him in the toybox.” “Pick up that piece of paper. Throw it in the trash can. No, the living room trash can. There’s no need to go all the way to the kitchen.” Like I said, it seems like an exercise in frustration, but it’s less frustration than telling him to pick up all his toys, and he totally ignores me.

Sometimes he gets cranky and flatly refuses to even do one thing at a time. In that case, I go to the thing he hates the most- being sent to bed. If it’s pre-dinner, it’s a nap. If it’s post-dinner, it’s bedtime. Even if that means I’m sending him to bed when it’s still light out. Now, you have to determine what your kid will dislike the most. For my son, it’s heading to bed- for your son, it might be something different, so experiment. But make sure it’s a punishment the kid considers to be pretty serious, otherwise you’ll be facing flat refusals all the time.

I’m not huge on punishments, but when it’s time to punish, like for clear refusals to obey, I do so. Don’t forget the positive side of things- when he’s doing a good job, praise him. I always tell Nate things like, “What a big boy you are, I’m so impressed!” I’m not big on bribing kids to do work- in our household we all pitch in and you shouldn’t have to expect a reward for that. The reward is not having to live in filth, as I tell the kids when they whine about their friends whose parents give them ponies and unicorns for not throwing trash on the floor.

Anyway, that is what works for me, I hope it works out for you too.

Ivy says:

Last night, there were several dishes left over after starting the dishwasher. This happens with some frequency, we use a heck of a lot of dishes in our house. Normally, I would just rinse them and set them in the sink to run the dishwasher this morning, but it occurred to me that my 7 year old daughter doesn’t know how to hand wash dishes, and it’s time to rectify that. She actually enjoyed it so much, she wants to hand wash dishes with me from now on.

I think being the dryer/putter awayer is the best place to start with learning to hand wash dishes, so that was her position, while I washed, giving a running commentary on how I hand wash dishes. I always wash my dishes from cleanest to dirtiest with the exception of silverware and knives, which I do first.

I put all the silverware in the water except sharp knives, then I wash each sharp knife and rinse. I showed her how to carefully dry the knives. Then I wash all the silverware and rinse them all collectively. Then I wash the glasses, then the plasticware. Then plates, then pots and pans.

She was shocked that there needed to be some order to how you wash dishes, but anyone who has ever tried to get plastic clean in greasy water can relate- there HAS to be an order to how you do it. It’s funny to me that technology has gotten us so far from the basics, that my daughter has reached the advanced age of seven and hasn’t learned how to hand wash dishes. We don’t own much stuff that has to be hand washed, so the act of filling up a sink and actually doing dishes is a very rare occurrence in our house.

Ever since then, I’ve been thinking about the act of hand washing dishes. On one hand, it uses less electricity and presumably less water. And there’s something satisfying about “I’ll wash, you dry” and then using that time to talk with each other. Yet, I do think dishes are more sanitary when you wash them in the dishwasher, and it’s way, way more speedy.

When it all comes down to it, I think we’ll wash dishes by hand more often.

Ivy says:

If you haven’t done this already, this weekend would be a great time to go through all the kids’ toys and  get rid of anything broken, anything they don’t play with, anything they just have too much of (my daughter had approximately 1,493 stuffed animals before we cleaned out her room), and anything else the kids choose to get rid of. You’ll find that this is the easiest time of the year to get the kids to get behind getting rid of their toys, since they know new ones are just around the corner.

While you’re cleaning out the kids’ rooms, go ahead and take a quick cruise through their clothing as well. Even if you’ve fairly recently done this when switching from summer to winter clothing, you’d be surprised at what you might find that needs to go.

Dear Home-Ec 101,

What is the best way to clean infant toys?

Signed,

Stink, Rattle & Roll

Ivy says:

When cleaning toys that are going to go into a baby’s mouth (which is everything baby gets her hands on), you want to go with cleaning products that are both natural and safe.  I have two recommendations.

For toys that need a good scrubbing, use baking soda. It has very mild abrasive power and is great for removing odors as well.  Just mix it with water to make a very thin paste and scrub away!

For a cleanser with antiseptic properties, use 2 teaspoons of tea tree oil to 2 cups of water and put into a spray bottle. Spray onto the toys and wipe clean. Tea tree oil has well known antiseptic properties and is safe to use. Make sure you keep any undiluted tea tree oil away from children as undiluted tea tree oil can cause skin irritation.

Thanks for a great question!

Submit your household querstions to helpme@home-ec101.com

Dear Home Ec 101:

I am at my wits’ end. I have a toddler who will not stop yanking everything off the counter.  Every time my hands are full with the baby he’s eating, coloring on, or shredding something.

What do I do?

~Frazzled in Frampton

Heather says:

I could have written that letter myself.  My two year old is into everything and yes, my hands are often full of baby.

Chances are this suggestion won’t thrill you as a brilliant discipline tactic.  Nevertheless, find another home for the things he’s pulling down.  If drawers and cupboards are the problem (ask me about my child’s fascination with boxes of sanitary products) lock them.  My favorite is Tot Lok, they keep the cupboards completely closed so no little fingers can wiggle in and get pinched.  When I only had one child keeping him out of the cupboards was merely a minor annoyance, once we upped the ante to two and finally three kids it became a source of major aggravation.  However, the solution was far simpler than I wanted to believe.  If there is nothing in reach, this battle won’t be fought.  Save your sanity for the truly important battles like banister climbing and pestering the family pet.

You see, your toddler’s job is much less demanding than yours.  All he is required to do is explore, which includes reaching up and yanking down every item within reach. Freaked out mommy is just a bonus.  Meanwhile you have your hands full, not only with a baby, but with taking care of that toddler and making sure they don’t off themselves in the course of a day.

Good luck.

Send your domestic questions to helpme@home-ec101.com.

Dear Home-Ec 101,

My kids whine incessantly when I ask them to help clean, and they do a halfhearted job when they finally clean. How do I get them to help out?

Signed,

Ripping my hair out in Riverdale

Ivy says:

I know what that’s like. My kids still put up a fuss about cleaning, even though they are fairly well “trained”. Fortunately, I have hit on some methods to help you tame the kid-cleaning beast!

1. Start young. As soon as they’re old enough to walk and understand a one-step direction, I get them helping out.  You can direct even the tiniest kids to clean up their toys. You’re going to have to help out at first, but it gets easier. I also have them do a lot of fetch-and-tote things, like, “Throw this in the trash can” and “Find your shoes”.

2. Hold a family meeting. Write down all the chores there are to do in the house and ask for volunteers.  You will be surprised at what chores your kids might like to do. A favorite for the six year old set, I have found, is loading and unloading the dishwasher. Surprisingly, they can do a really good job at it, too, although you will still have to check the dishwasher to make sure it is loaded properly before it’s run.

3. Go on cleaning rampages. When I was a kid, my mom would get in a bad mood and tear through the house, cleaning furiously. My brother and I called them cleaning rampages, as in, “Mom’s on a cleaning rampage, better make sure your room is not too dirty or she’ll come clean your place next.”  Now that I’m an adult, I find the term “cleaning rampage” endearing and I tell the kids we’re about to go on a cleaning rampage. I set the timer and we clean like tornadoes for a certain period of time. Much better than Mom’s style of cleaning rampage.

4. Take them to a really, really nasty house. I learned this quite by accident today. I was helping someone who has one of the nastiest houses I have ever seen move today, and had to bring the kids with me.  Once we left, the kids took deep breaths of fresh clean air and instantly wanted to go home and scrub our house. “Mama, it smelled SO BAD in there! Mama, they have so much JUNK! We need to de-clutter so we don’t end up like that!”

5.  Have cleaning contests. I hesitate to include this because it simply causes too much drama in my own house- with a 13, 6, and 3 year old, their ability levels are so different, that they all try to keep up with each other and end up in a tremendous fight. However, with kids that are closer in age, I’ve seen this work. The kid who has their room clean first, wins. The kid that picks up the most toys, wins. Etc. Your kids don’t know how to clean their own room? Try this primer I wrote on teaching your kids to clean their own room at Curbly.

With these tips, you should be able to get your kids cleaning like pros in no time!

Send your domestic questions to helpme@home-ec101.com.

Dear Home-Ec 101,

Now that our teen is helping with the laundry, I would like to show him to fold a fitted bedsheet.

I usually just roll it up into a ball. (bad, I know)

Signed,

Life Skills Teacher to Growing Son
Ivy says:

The person who actually showed me how to fold a fitted sheet is my dad. My mom kind of wads them into a shape somewhat resembling a rectangle, but my dad folds the neatest fitted sheets ever. Weird, I know.

The object of making fitted sheets look all nice and neat is to get rid of the waddy end. We accomplish this by hiding it into the center of the sheets. Observe:

Gather all the little fitted ends together. Smooth out the rest of the sheet.

Take the sheet and fold ends over to make a rectangle-like object. It will not be a perfect rectangle on the end with the fitted mess, but it will be close.

Now, fold that not-so-neat end so it is in the middle of the sheet, kind of like folding a letter.

Fold the other half over the top, and you finally have a completely neat and smooth rectangle. Fold it in half again, and you won’t be able to tell your fitted sheets from your flat sheets!