Heather says:
Some weeks it feels like I have a lot more to own up to than others. I don’t know if it was the husband working night shift, being completely off track with my own sleep schedule, a stupid head cold, or just plain old emotional upheaval that made me feel and act just this side of useless. So yeah, this week’s menu? I had a menu? Pre-written posts for next week while I’m a conference? Ha! Cranky with the kids? You bet!
This is a hard feeling to articulate, so brace yourselves for a massive flub and know that the last thing I want to do is sound snotty.
Nothing makes me feel more like a fraud than hearing someone say, “I don’t know how you do it.”
While the people who say this always mean well it makes me question the image I project. One of my big goals with this site is to provide a place that helps people muddle through, because really in some areas in life that’s all anyone can do. I know, I know, it’s not the bullshit glossy magazine headline screeching at us in the checkout line, You Can Have It All!
I lost a friend, a young mother, to suicide almost two years ago and my heart hurts whenever I wonder where she felt she failed. From the outside, she looked like she had everything a lovely home, a handsome husband, a beautiful little girl, and a baby on the way.
More recently I nearly lost another friend who covered up her feelings of inadequacy through addiction.
So what am I saying? Call me on it if I sound pretentious, but know there are a few places I won’t budge. Ask questions secure in the knowledge that I won’t think you’re stupid.
This sounds like a silly example, but it’s the only thing coming to mind at the moment. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I simply have neither the eye nor the drive to decorate. We’ve been in this house for more than 5 years and the walls are still bare. I have window treatments that were here when we moved in and I’ve come to loathe them. We’re now reaching the point where everything needs repainting. Without some help, things are probably going to stay that way for another 5 years.
I have a wonderful friend, she single handedly had her house decorated within 3 weeks of moving in. She probably could have decorated my home in the time it took me to pick my jaw up off the floor. Will my house ever be as amazing as hers? No, but I can make sure at the very least my home is clean and comfortable, if a bit spartan.
The same idea applies in the kitchen. If you hate to cook, that’s fine, no one is going to hold your feet to the fire and insist on gourmet meals every night of the week. However, there are basic skills to master that will ensure the food prepared is nutritious, budget conscious, and edible. If you have children there is an additional responsibility to provide variety to help ensure a child grows into an adult with a mature and healthy palate. You don’t have to like doing it and if you’re lucky you’ll marry someone who will enjoy the task, but there are times where you’ll just have to suck it up and do it.
I embrace a somewhat snarky tone here because let’s face it, it’s home economics. It’s never going to be the most riveting of material, but it’s an area where everyone needs at least a basic understanding, so we might as well have fun.
At some point in our lives if we live around other humans or have pets we’re going to face a mess so heinous we have too fight our own gag reflex as we wonder how to deal. What do you do then? You laugh, because otherwise we cry and feel sorry for ourselves. Life presents us with situations that are out of our control, how we choose to react is our choice. I am choosing to laugh when possible and I invite you to do the same.
Submitted to What I Learned This Week on 9/22/2009.
Thank you so much for this! The other posts are so helpful but this was the best!
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