I’m running a bit later than I wanted to for church, so here you guys get retro Saturday on Sunday! This edition of Stupid Questions ran on May 12, last year.
After a brief hiatus, Kathy is back with more Stupid Questions! Thank God, because I have had the crappy day to end all crappy days, and I love Stupid Questions.
1. What’s a really great Mother’s Day gift for the Mom who has everything, lives faraway, and is on vacation now anyway?
How about a mix CD with songs she’ll like, plus some songs that make you think of her? Tip: Do NOT put “Cat’s in the Cradle” on there, no matter how much you think she likes the song. Trust me on that one.
My mother-in-law is the type that has everything she wants and is particular to boot. Rather than giver her something she feels obligated to display I try to give her a picture of her grandchildren and a thank you note for being a special part of their lives. It lets her know she is appreciated without cluttering up her home.
2. Yesterday was my sister’s birthday. I tried to call early in the day, but couldn’t reach her. Then I forgot because I suddenly got really busy the rest of the day and evening.What’s a great way to make that up to her?
Lie like a rug. Tell her, “I tried to call but then my dog ate one of my children. The plague! Locusts! It wasn’t my fault, I swear it!” If all else fails, throw yourself on your knees and beg mercy.
If she gives you a hardtime bring up a time you covered for her or when she got you in trouble.
3. Any secrets for getting really bad tangles out of hair?
My daughter has the worst hair ever for tangles. It’s both very fine and there’s lots of it, it’s just a nightmare. Oh, and she’s tenderheaded. Oy. I was told by a beautician to start at the top of the tangle and to always brush it dry to avoid breakage.
That might be true, but what I have found is the best way to detangle is to wash it, put a crapload of detangling conditioner on it, wash that out then comb it out while it is still wet, starting at the bottom of the tangle. Once a bit is detangled, I clip it out of the way. To keep her less tangly, I try to get her to let me braid it before she goes to sleep. This works sometimes, but she’s really cranky about letting me braid it because I am a tight braider.
4. What’ the lifespan of a video tape? I want to start dubbing to DVD and kinda need to know how long I have… like can I do this when I finally retire in 20 years?
Dude, I told you, nothing I’d have to look up! Anyway, I did look it up and found this great link about the care and feeding of your videotapes. For what it’s worth, my mom has videotapes she taped back in 1985 that she still watches from time to time. It’s funny, commercials are way more interesting when they’re over 20 years old.
Bonus tidbit for people who lived in Indianapolis in the 1980s: “So come on over to Don’s Guns and get you a few guns! I don’t want to make any money, folks, I just love to sell guns!”
5. Any suggestions on how to get a dog to stop digging in the yard?
Dogs tend to dig and do other destructive stuff when they’re bored. Give them some stuff to play with and make sure you’re spending lots of time with them.
6. Speaking of pets, my cat has started to carry my daughter’s sock around in her mouth. Then she’ll make a gutteral growl/meow and lay on top of it. What the heck is going on there?
I dunno, man. My dog likes to take my panties under the bed and if anyone tries to get them away from him, he gets really irate. It’s curbed my tendency to throw dirty clothes on the floor, but I still have no idea why he does it. I think maybe they do it to feel closer to their favorite human. I think it’s kind of creepy.
7. What do you think of those nifty digital picture frames? I want one and want it bad!
Keep in mind that I didn’t have one single family picture displayed in my house until last year, but I think they’re way too expensive to be worth the cost. Give it a couple of years and they’ll be really inexpensive.
8. I’m really bad at negotiating for a price markdown at yard sales. Sellers generally get PO’d at me when I try… any suggestions? (When I have a yard sale, I generally double the price so I can come down, don’t all people do that?)
Maybe you’re going about it the wrong way. When I’m bargaining, I usually say something like, “I really like this (yard sale item). I’d love to put it in my (random room it would go in). Would you consider taking (price) for it?”
BTW, when I price my yard sale items, I generally price them slightly above what I’ll take for it. I never double the price I’ll take for it because I think if prices are lower, people who aren’t down with the bargaining won’t buy.
9. Tell me a really dirty word in a foreign language that I can yell out every now and then with no guilt!
Here are my 2 favorites.
Caga en tu leche! is spanish for “I pooped* in your milk!”. It’s a good way to insult people who don’t speak spanish. Don’t say that to spanish speakers. They’ll think you’re an idiot.
I also love pinche pitufa. Click the link for the definition of pinche (but be forewarned, very bad words!). Pitufa is what spanish speakers call Smurfs.
I hate to be a killjoy, but even if you’re swearing in other languages, you’re still swearing, yanno.
When my kids are being aggravating I like to tell them, “Fermez la bouche!” (firm-ey la bousche) It’s French for shut your mouth, but it sounds nicer.
10. Can you recommend a good jewelry cleaner?
Mild soap and water. Seriously. It, of course, depends on the jewelry, but a mild soap is your best bet in most cases.
Windex and an old, soft toothbrush work well on diamonds. Do not EVER use this on softer stones, the ammonia may damage them.
*Pooped is the much nicer word for it. Since my granny reads the site, and is very offended by the “S” word, I’m not gonna type it out.