Comments on: Remembering The Pleasantries

By: Kendra K

Kendra K — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:13:52 +0000

Mom of Three, I’m glad you understood what I meant, since my words got jumbled up.~~

By: Mom of three

Mom of three — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 17:12:34 +0000

Kendra,
Thanks for the advice. My Spanish isn’t good enough to have a full conversation, but I don’t want to offend either. I know they spoke Spanish because they were talking to each other as they came into the store. But at least I know I did what was correct. I did smile and let them know I appreciated the help, so I am sure they understood what I meant, even if their English wasn’t good.

By: Angela

Angela — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:58:32 +0000

Ivy you do such a great job on this site, this was very insiteful and as I have much to say on the topic, I just can not put it into works, but thank you for the great reading.

By: Kendra Kammer

Kendra Kammer — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:56:56 +0000

Has anyone spent some time in another part of the world and noticed that what is considered rude depends on where you are? Maybe we should apply that within our own country as well, considering that we have a very large and diverse country. Understanding that, perhaps we should think less about the perfect manners, and more the right manners for where we are. For example, if I went to the south, I know that I’d need to speak more politely and formally (“Mrs.”), but when I’m in my native Colorado I can use manners that are more appropriate for the west – knowing that the 16 year-old host at the restaurant considers it kinder to use the first name, and thinks “Mrs.” is for old ladies (and wouldn’t want me to feel old). Does that make sense?

By: Kendra Kammer

Kendra Kammer — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:51:33 +0000

In response to Mom of Three, no, I don’t think it would have been better to say “thank you.” I have some experience working with Spanish speakers and have learned that it’s ALWAYS VERY BAD when you assume someone speaks Spanish because of the way they look, so it’s best to avoid that at all costs. Also, you don’t want to give the impression that you think they couldn’t understand English. If you have a longer conversation and it becomes clear that they aren’t following very well, it’s perfectly ok to say in English, “I speak Spanish, would you prefer that?” (And sometimes I follow that with the Spanish version: “Hablo espanol si prefiere.”)

By: Mom of three

Mom of three — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 21:46:34 +0000

Okay,
I love for a man to open the door for me and if he does I always say thank you, so I have an question for you.

A few weeks ago I was leaving a restaurant with double exit doors, you know you go through one set, there’s a litte area and then another set of doors. This absolutely adorable Mexican family came through just as I was leaving, father, grandfather, and little boy. The father was coming in the second set of doors (my first set and held the door.) I went through and said “thank you.” THe grandfather was coming in the first set, (my second set) and again held the door. I again said “thank you.” BUt I wonder, should I have said “Gracious?” Is it impolite to not speak to another person in their language if you know the words, or was I correct to say “thank you?”

Granted I will probably never see them again, just wondering what would you do?

I try and be polite most of the time, so my kids say it too. And I work with 4 year olds, so we say please and thank you to the point where it doesn’t even sound polite any more.

Which brings me back to high school. I worked at a mini market that was very busy. For one whole day, as each customer left, instead of saying “thank you”, I said “expletive you.” All day. Only one customer noticed and said something. All day.

By: caryn verell

caryn verell — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 20:16:17 +0000

in my childhood home and in my own home politeness and manners fall under the biblical golden rule/commandment of treating others as you wish to be treated…. those who cant seem to understand or follow that rule are shunned….until they can behave in a civilized manner….

By: Judith

Judith — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:25:28 +0000

I was also raised to be polite (in NY / New England) and am sometimes appalled by the way I am treated and the way I see and hear others treated. Politeness is a personal and social necessity —– it helps us be less self-absorbed and more concerned with others and the common good (which we desparately need in this culture).
My kids were raised this way, too, and as they grew people often remarked on it (because it was becoming more rare among their peers.)
They were with me once at a restaurant when the 16 year old “maitre d’ ” asked my name for the waiting list. I told him my last name. Sarcastically, like I was an idiot, he said, “No, your first name.” I looked him firmly in the eye and politely said, “Mrs.” My kids laughed out loud!
We can’t control others, only ourselves, and we certainly can ask polite respect for others from our kids. More parents doing this would make a HUGE difference in our schools, where disrespect and selfishness are rampant.
Keep up the good fight!

By: CharmingDriver

CharmingDriver — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 04:13:27 +0000

I may not be the nicest person in the world but man do I value manners. Example: My parents have had the same best friends for 40+ yrs, like since before my sister and I existed. 35 yrs later, I still call them Mr. and Mrs. First Name and when my dad passed in December, all of the cards from their (best friend’s) three kids referenced ”Mr. Jim”.

That was honestly one of the hardest things for me to adjust to in Portland/Vancouver. Lack of pleasantries and people speaking just for the heck of it, hey, how are you etc. and the essential lack of manners, please, thank you, holding doors etc. I just couldn’t adjust. So glad to be back in MS; it’s not perfect but at least it’s pleasant.

By: Tara

Tara — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 03:51:46 +0000

I also can’t tell you how often I see a kid do something in public and think, “My momma would have killed me, given me CPR, and killed me again.” Manners were never an option. Ever.

At 31 I still say “Yes ma’am” and “No, sir.” The idea of saying “Yeah” to an authority figure makes me cringe.

So, consequently, I am sure to speak to the children I have influence over in a respectful, polite way. I don’t expect “ma’am”s- it’s just not the thing in Tampa. But I expect to be treated as I treat others, so it’s best party manners at all times- I can tell you that I really notice a difference in the students that I’ve worked with over the years!