There is nothing wrong with a husband taking care of his wife; that is what he is supposed to do. It is a very important way for him to show her he loves her. And a wife is supposed to help and please her husband. It is love for them to do those things, and selfishness for them to proclaim that they are not bound to do them.

Of course, all children should be prepared to be adults who can care for both themselves and others. Everyone needs to know basic personal care, clothing care, home care, food preparation skills, etc. They need to know how to balance a checkbook and budget their money. They need to be able to not only care for themselves when they are the only ones to do it, but also to step up and do someone else’s “assignment” when necessary.

It is a fact of life that some people are better at some things than others. I don’t have a good sense of direction, and even when I think I am doing okay I sometimes get turned around and don’t even realize it. It’s not a matter of intelligence, effort, or concentration. My brain is just not wired for directionality. My husband, on the other hand, can visit a new place, not go back for several years, and remember how to get where he is going!

I am excellent with buttons and gadgets. It is a piece of cake for me to switch back and forth between the two VCR/DVD players, including changing the channel on the tv to accommodate them. It does have many steps, but it is easy for me. My engineer husband has trouble with it, though. Again, it is not a matter of intelligence, effort, or concentration. He just doesn’t grasp it the same way he does engineering drawings, etc.

I have my own tool box, and can take care of very minor things, like tightening the bolts in the kitchen chairs, nailing back the trim that gets loose, etc. But I prefer to have my husband do most of the home maintenance things, as it takes me much longer and I am not nearly as good at it as he is. He can sew on buttons, but he prefers to have me to do it, as I am much more experienced and can do it more quickly than he can, and probably better as well.

Both our children are learning how to cook, clean, care for animals, care for their clothes, care for the house, etc. Yes, I want them to be able to do whatever needs doing. But more than that, I want my son to grow into a fine, upstanding, Godly man who is capable of providing for and leading his family. And I want my daughter to grow up into a Godly, nurturing woman who is able to teach and guide her children and make a wonderful home for her husband and family.

Men and women are different. God has given them different roles. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t need to be capable of stepping up and meeting a need. This afternoon, my son loaded and ran the dishwasher. My husband and son unloaded the dishwasher tonight, and my husband reloaded it. Yesterday, I loaded it and ran it. My daughter also helps unload; she puts away the things that she can reach. Everyone in the family lives here; everyone is part of keeping things going smoothly.

I will say that I am the one who usually does the laundry. Not that everyone else isn’t willing. I just prefer to do it myself. My husband will put clothes in or take them out of the dryer if I ask him to. So will my son. My daughter can’t reach to do it.

Part of the reason I usually do the laundry is that my washer is getting up in years, and it has to be babied. But the main reason is that I LOVE doing laundry; it is my favorite household task. I enjoy sorting it, because it lets me reflect on how God has blessed us with an abundance of clothing. I enjoy seeing the water go into the washer, because I know it is going to saturate the clothes and get them clean. I enjoy putting in the soap nuts, because I love using something that God made instead of a harsh detergent or soap with toxic ingredients and stinky perfumes. I enjoy putting the clothes in the dryer, because I know they are all clean, and they are going to come out soft and fluffy. I enjoy hanging up damp clothes and snapping them, because I know they will dry without wrinkles. I enjoy bringing the clothes out of the dryer because I love feeling how soft and warm they are, and smelling how fresh and clean they, with no artificial fragrance. And I love sorting them out of the basket and putting them in stacks for my family, because I am blessing my family, serving them, and connecting with them.

Sometimes I fold all the clothes. Other times I call everyone and they come and get them and fold them themselves. I enjoy having all of us fold together. We talk and laugh and visit while we work. I want my daughter to know the same joy when she does laundry. And I’d like my son to experience it too. I want them both to know how to find joy in the everyday things of life, including those countless “jobs” that fill our days. So, now that I am thinking about it, I suppose I will go ahead and let them start doing a little bit of laundry, too. That way they can share in the joy.

My husband is the one who usually takes care of the outdoor things. He works very hard, and is always busy doing something that needs to be done. But he’s always ready to pitch in with “inside” stuff too. He cooks, does dishes, reads bedtime stories, cleans the kitchen (not the same way that I do it, but he does it as a loving service, which is much more important than specifics any day of the week), vacuums, files, etc.

For years, when we both worked outside the home (before our children were born), he cooked most meals. My health was not great at the time, and I was too fatigued to do much once I got home from work. He has always been willing to show his love by doing not only the things that he is responsible for, but by doing my “tasks” when I wasn’t up to it.

I think this is too long; I’m sorry. I probably could have just said that a person can learn to do all the things necessary to daily life while still maintaining and fulfilling their God-given roles as men and women, husbands and wives.

I hope one day to be able to stay home with my kids and teach them all I know (regardless of gender). My husband would be more than happy staying home if we needed him to, but he is also more than happy to work hard so I can.

I just wanted to recommend that people watch the DVD series called “Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage”. It goes into the differences between men and women, how their brains work and how they “score” things is very different and was so helpful to my husband and I.

My husband and I are constantly reflecting on how the “women’s rights” movement did little to liberate women as now most feel responsible for twice the duties they did before. We need to focus on fixing this problem by expecting more from our boys. I expect my husband to keep up his share of household “women’s” chores and he is getting better at it. I refuse to be the wifey who works all day and then comes home and has to work full time there as well. I enjoy both things, but my husband has hands and can pitch in as well. Plus, he now realizes that when he helps me he gets a much happier wife b/c I can actually relax and spend time with him.

After our marriage, went through a phase of my having to control my control freak tendencies. that vacuuming is good enough, even if he doesn’t deal with the details was a hard lesson for me to learn. At this point, our method of chore divisions is by who is bothered sooner (he is regarding the litterbox) or who is more particular (I am regarding laundry).

There is a bit of absent-minded professor in his ‘incompetence’ though. For example: Our kitchen has exactly 3 drawers 7 cabinets. From the dining room, I can hear him opening each verrrry quietly, hoping he’ll find the silverware before I ask him what on earth he’s looking for! After we married, I just figured it was because he’d moved into my place so hadn’t gotten used to things. Six houses and 18 years later I realize that, somewhat like the nucleur physicist in the first comment, the man is a genius capable of magnificent feats of mathematics and statistics; but he can’t spare a few braincells for the details of silverware and dish storage. I choose to find this endearing and bear in mind there must be something I do that he must choose to find endearing as well.

When I had another entity (son, roommate, significant other) living in the house who was capable of doing chores, chores were divvied up and each person had a set they were responsible for. Each person also was trained to do other chores in case the person of primary responsibility was sick or away. Yeah, I ran a pretty tight ship, but most of that time I was working 12+ hour days and was a single parent, so a tight ship was the only one that wouldn’t sink.

By the time my son was in high school, he knew how to do laundry, clean house, and feed himself. Not that he liked it…at all. In fact, it was a constant battle. “Mom, none of my friends have to do all this stuff. It’s not fair.” Imagine the whine and the superior attitude. He never got over it, and at age 28 he’s still mad at me! But he’s competent.

OTOH, I did the yard work, home repairs, and car maintenance because the “men’s work” still had to get done even when there was no man around. Interestingly, my son showed absolutely no interest in learning any of the traditionally male skills, either. Those were beneath him, too. I guess that proves he wasn’t raised sexist. ;o)