Dear Home Ec 101:
My husband and I both grew up in homes where the father worked, and the mother largely stayed home and attended to all of the household duties. We both work, and sometimes have a hard time agreeing on who should be doing which chores, how often, and how well. I tend to feel
like I’m expected to do more than my fair share. How can we successfully negotiate housework?
I’m really tired of hearing complaints about how I didn’t magically know to wash that specific pairs of jeans that wasn’t in the hamper by a certain day, etc. Of course, I get all worked up in my head about expectations b/c I’m a woman, and so on. Ultimately, I would like for
everybody to have clear expectations and get things done without it being a constant struggle and source of criticism.
Thanks for any advice you have!
Heather says:
It sounds as though there may be a breakdown in communication. One of you is bound to have a lower tolerance for mess and that one will end up with the lion’s share of chores unless boundaries are set. I know it does not sound fun, but you may have to sit down and actually discuss the division of chores. Consider making a list of chores in three columns: daily, weekly, and seasonal. Then, taking turns, take colored pencils or markers and indicate the chores you don’t mind with one color and chores you abhor with another. This should help fairly divide the list. For the chores you both hate institute a rotation, but the rotation should last long enough that it would be obvious if one of you is slacking. Passive aggression should not be tolerated, it will only increase resentment.
Letting him know what you need is not nagging, additionally expecting him to intuit those needs is unrealistic. Extend him the courtesy of telling him your expectations and ask him to do the same for you.
Best of luck.
I am a stay at home mom and we have 4 boys, 2 from his previous marriage ages 10 and 7, and 1 from my previous relationship age 10, and ours age 2. Getting these boys to a.) have time to do chores between sports, school, etc b.) getting to get up and work, with out me yelling at them has just been horrible for the last 2 years. My husband is the sole bread winner at the moment. (I am working on going back to work LOL) I have the hardest time trying to get him to help with any chores in the house because I feel bad that he has to work about 50 hrs per week, then come home and do any work on the vehicles, any and all home repairs (and we are doing a butt-load of them). I have even asked him if he can get the boys involved in some of the more manly chores of house fixing and repairing and of vehicle repairs. It doesn't happen often. So I am feeling like more of a maid/daycare provider/accountant/cook/receptionist/teacher/appt. maker/etc. than a wife and am really getting closer to leaving and dealing with just my two biological children. I am confused and need help quickly..... I am hoping that if you can help me with the chore problems I can save my sanity and marriage!!!! Aghhh!
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