Comments on: Ask The Audience: How Do You Handle Invitations You Can’t Afford?

By: Leah Ingram

Leah Ingram — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:50:22 +0000

The fact that you live in an out-of-the-way areas shouldn’t preclude your friends from coming to your home. If you invite them and they decline, but they expect that you’ll travel a great distance to see them, well, then, are they really your friends? I have this happen all the time with my family. We moved three hours away, and we are always expected to drive that six-hour round-trip on holidays and whatnot, yet whenever we’ve invited our family out to our house for a celebration, no one can make the trip, because it’s too far.

As far as a budgets go, I would suggest that perhaps you meet at a time of day that is less expensive than drinks out. Could you meet for coffee on a weekend morning? What about if you all got together one evening to go for a walk instead?

By the way, I have a website called Gifts and Etiquette at http://www.giftsandetiquette.com where I answer real people’s protocol dilemmas, much like yours. May I include this question on it?

Hope this advice helps.

Leah

By: Mrs. Micah

Mrs. Micah — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:30:24 +0000

Perhaps setting up some regular date times with your friends with the understanding that you may not be available or may not be able to afford it other times? And as people have said, periodically inviting them over for coffee instead could work.

I’m still new in my area, so I don’t have many friends to go out with yet.

By: JRae

JRae — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:25:49 +0000

Flasks full of booze that we brought, I should clarify…

By: JRae

JRae — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:24:20 +0000

Haha, this reminds me of when me and my boyfriend wanted to go to our friend’s birthday dinner but were dead broke. But he’s a really good friend, who’d always been super reliable about presents and birthdays and stuff like that, and we’re not so reliable… so we wanted to actually give him a good present (a $50 gift card to his favorite comic book store) this time around.

But we couldn’t get that and afford to eat dinner… so we ate before we went out, and then ordered 1 Diet Coke each for dinner, and kept refilling our cups with the flasks full of booze. We made them last the whole dinner!

That’s my style of frugalness for ya… lol. Get drunk at home before you go out a little too, that way you waste less money on booze when you’re out.

By: Blossomteacher

Blossomteacher — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:53:29 +0000

I’m in this exact situation. A sorta friend of mine is getting married about 4 hours away. I’m really better friends with his mom (we worked together), and I just can’t afford gas for the drive, the hotel room, and the wedding gift. So instead, I’ve already e-mailed his mom to get an address where I can send a gift card (from Mypoints!!), and asked if she wants to get together for lunch after school is out (or after the wedding is over). That way I still get to talk to her and see the wedding pictures, without spending nearly $300 to go to a wedding of a guy I only sorta know!

By: Pam

Pam — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:47:31 +0000

I have found that this answer works for a variety of invitations. “I’m sorry that won’t work for me this time but keep me in mind” or I’m sorry I have other plans (that is not a lie…..my plan is to stay within my budget—- or my plan is to spend time with my family). I have found that when I say “that won’t work for me this time……it is accepted without explanation.
Along the same lines if someone asks a clearly personal question I can say “I’ll forgive you for asking, but you’ll have to forgive me for NOT answering”. Pam, South Bend

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:55:07 +0000

This isn’t often an issue for me in terms of regular get-togethers, because our social life is mostly in family groups…three families meeting for a potluck dinner at one house, for instance. Also because most of our friends are just as frugal/poor as we are!

The buying parties, though, became a problem I had to deal with a few years back. I finally had to just make a personal policy not to attend *any* of them, even if I really liked the hostess or the product. So, that’s what I say when I’m asked “Oh, I am SO sorry, I had to make a decision for the sake of my budget to not go to any buying parties. Oh, I know you would never force me to buy anything, I just know the Brand-X stuff is so cute that I wouldn’t have the self-control to pass it up!”

Only once has this strategy failed me, and that was a woman who was hosting the party on behalf of a relative of hers who needed money. She worked on me from a guilt angle until I finally just said, “I am sorry, I feel very bad that Friend A is in financial trouble, and you may be sure that I am praying for her and will do anything practical I can to help. But I cannot help by spending money I don’t have for things I don’t need.”

It may also help that I’m in my forties and have developed rather a thick skin about this kind of thing.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:11:00 +0000

I am great at ordering the cheapest thing on the menu : ) I also feel guilty going out and having dinner with friends when my husband is home eating leftovers with the kids.

Seriously, though, I understand. Especially not having a car the last few weeks, I have had to turn down so many fun chances to see people.

We try to meet halfway when possible, at the park or zoo. It’s not an adult dinner out, but it’s better than playing in the yard with the kids–alone.

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:07:47 +0000

I think it would only be fair that your friends return the favor and travel to your neck of the woods. Invite them over for coffee and make a special treat. Meet places where you could take a lunch or go during those in between times where you can have a tea together without a meal. Delcine to every other event so they don’t get suscipicous

I usually end up inviting people over and blame it on my kids, “Oh, I wish I could meet up with you, but Ethan’s preschool schedule is so tight. Do you want to come over for coffee instead?” This usually works in a pinch. I hope that helps!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:51:41 +0000

We just have people over to our house. Usually they’ll bring their own drinks, but we have a few in stock, also.

I’m also on Weight Watchers, so I usually order water with a meal anyway (which can save anywhere from $1-$3), and I’m never tempted for appetizers and desserts.